Shout out to friends

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 says:  Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work; if one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. (NIV)

A wonderful friend surprised me by sending me a One-Year Women's Devotional in the mail. I have been reading it almost every day. Each devotion has been right on time which by the way is so how God works. Also, as I have been reading these I have thought so many times that I need to use these with my kids. These last couple of days have been about friendships. Yesterday was title "Does it Matter Who My Friends Are?" The verse is Do not be deceived: bad company corrupts good morals. I Corinthians 15:33 (HCSB) This verse is very timely in that I have had to talk with Jonathan about a boy in the neighborhood and why I don't particular want him to be playing with this kid. I have tried to talk to them about what they put in to their hearts/lives is what is going to come out. Therefore if you watch or hang around people who talk inappropriately or disrespect others then you may end up saying and acting the same way. I've had many examples with them this week to use as an example. But even today's devotion was a reminder of how important it is to choose right friends! True friends will be there no matter what! A true friend is priceless! I want to share some of what was written in the devotional: "The writer of Ecclesiastes told us the value of friendship. The word 'reward' in Ecclesiastes 4:9 can also be translated 'return' as in 'return on investment'. The best investments you will make in life are not financial; they are relational. The writer of Ecclesiastes gave us a couple of reasons why we should invest in friends. First, friends help you when you are down. If you want to know the difference between acquaintances and friends, get in trouble. The ones who are still around and helping you walk through the difficult time are your true friends. Second, friends will have your back when someone is tearing you down. The idea behind this verse is based on the military. Most battles in that day were fought hand to hand. The soldiers would stand back to back in battle as they fought. Obviously, if one soldier was attacked from behind, his fellow soldier would protect him. This is the picture of true friendship. Are you making a wise investment? You will have a good return if you will invest in friends. Look for opportunities to strengthen those friends when they are in trouble. True, authentic friendships are a gift from God and are a rare treasure! Stand up for your friends when they cannot stand up for themselves. It will pay great dividends."

I am a type of person that when things are hard or tough I will withdraw to myself. Back a few years ago I did that same thing and ended up in a dark pit. God put a new friend in my life that walked with me on this journey back out. Since October my family and I have been struggling with all kinds of sicknesses. We were spending lots of money on doctor visits as well as medicines, and I found myself struggling spiritually. We were having to miss church alot because of it. Christmas was coming up very quickly, and I really wasn't sure how we were going to be able to have Christmas gifts for our family. During this time I didn't call or text too many of my friends, but thank God my friends were still checking in to see if we were ok. I have a group of girlfriends that I get together with from time to time. I so want to give a shout out for them. They have my back! They are there for me. They are also real with me. They make sure I continue to focus on the important things.

I feel like today we get so busy with stuff or doing stuff and caught up in our own little world that we don't take the time to check on our friends or be that true friend to someone. I think even when we're going through a hard time we need to take the time to reach out to our friends because they may also be going through a hard time and together you can encourage each other. We need each other! Friendship is a gift of God! Look around and see who you can be a friend to. Value your friends! Pray for them! Encourage them! Help them in their walk with God!

So this is for my dear friends who have my back! I love you all dearly! I deeply value your friendship! I pray that I will be that true friend to you!

Rejoicing

I have slowly been reading a book by John Piper called The Dangerous Duty of Delight: The Glorified God and the Satisfied Soul. (By slow I mean reading little sections at a time.) It has been a great read thus far. It has given me much t meditate on throughout the day. There's a verse I learned growing up that says "Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say rejoice" Philippians 4:4 ESV. We are to constantly pursue joy. This is not an option it is a command. I have never really dwelt on the depth of this verse until reading book. If it wasn't an important thing for us to do God would not have repeated it ("...again I will say rejoice"). That is hard for me to grasp. As I think about friends who are watching their loved ones suffering with pain from cancer it is hard for me to grasp sometimes "rejoicing in the Lord always". What I'm learning is that when we rejoice or pursue joy in God we become satisfied and God is glorified. "God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him" (John Piper). We are created for His glory. I find myself being convicted in many ways as I continue to read this book.

(More to come)

How holy do we consider the name Yahweh?

Moses grew up in the court of Pharoah, so he was familiar with many of the Egyptian gods. Standing before the burning bush that day I wonder the thoughts that went through his mind. The Bible (Exodus 3:2-3) says that "Moses saw that though the bush was on fire it did not burn up. So Moses thought, 'I will go over and see this strange sight-why the bush does not burn up'". So what does God do? He got his attention. So here is my thought: How is God trying to get my attention?   Verse 4 of the same chapter says "When the Lord saw that he had gone over to look, God called to him from within the bush, 'Moses! Moses!'" What was Moses' response? "Here I am." God then tells Moses not to come any closer but to take his sandals off because he was standing on holy ground. God then announced that He was the God of his father, the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac and the God of Jacob. What was Moses response now? He hid his face because he was afraid to look at God. Now having grown up in the Pharoah's court and learning of the Egyptian gods what would cause him to want to hide his face? I believe he was understanding the holiness of the voice speaking to him. I believe that he was experiencing an overwhelming feeling of awe! I believe he also hid his face because of the shame he had. Remember he had killed someone and then fled to Midian. Thought question: How do I respond to God's voice? Continuing on in this chapter God goes on to tell Moses that He has seen the misery and heard the cries of His people. Something that just struck me as I was typing this and then rereading the Scripture is that in verse 7(b) it says, "I have heard them crying out because of their slave drivers, and I am concerned about their suffering." What struck me is that God said He was concerned about their suffering. What encouragement for me today! Because I am a child of God He is concerned about my suffering. What is even more encouraging is that He already knows ahead of time what is going to happen in my life, but when I'm suffering He is still concerned about it! What a God! How do I respond God knowing this? I believe I can began to feel a little like Moses! What an awesome God! God then goes on to tell Moses that He has come down to rescue them from the Egyptians and bring them to an awesome land-spacious land and a land flowing with milk and honey. He tells Moses He is sending him to Pharoah to bring the Israelite people out of Egypt. Now stop and think about this for a minute. Look at Moses' past. God is going to use him to bring His people out of bondage. What does that tell me? God is using an ordinary man! A man with a past of killing another. Therefore, this tells me that no matter my past God can use me for His kingdom and His glory! Hallelujah! How do I respond to God? Here again is that feeling of awe!! Moses, of course, questions God. Don't we sometimes do the same thing? When God has called us to do something we think is impossible we question Him! "Who am I that I should go?" Same thing Moses was asking God. God lets him know that He will be with him. Moses asks in verse 13 "Suppose I go to the Israelites and say to them, 'The God of your fathers has sent me to you,' and they ask me, 'What is his name?' Then what shall I tell them?" Verse 14 says, "God said to Moses, 'I AM WHO I AM. This is what you are to say to the Israelites: 'I AM has sent me to you.'" So God responded to Moses's question about His identity with the name "I AM that I AM". So here we have YHWH=I AM=Lord=Yahweh. Isaiah 42:8 says "I am the LORD; that is my name; my glory I give to no other, nor my praise to carved idols."

Yahweh means: to exist, to be, was, is will be (Knowing God By Name by Mary Kassain). God is self-existent meaning He was not created. God is self-sufficient because He does not depend on anyone or anything. God is self-directed meaning He is free to do as He pleases. God is eternal meaning He has lived and will live forever. Finally, God is consistent meaning He is who he is; He is true and unchanging. "Yahweh is God's incredibly unique name. The Jews regarded it as so holy that they refrained from spelling it in its entirety and speaking it out loud. Instead, they referred to it as 'the Name', 'the Extra-ordinary Name', or 'the Ineffable Name'. The priests in the temple only dared to utter the name 'Yahweh' when blessing the people (Num 6:23-27). When a Jewish scribe copied the Scriptures and came to God's sacred name Yahweh, he would set aside his quill and get a brand new one with which to write. After writing the Name, he would break and discard the quill so that on other word would ever flow from it. The Jews honored God's name so much that when Christ stood before them and openly called Himself 'I AM,' they sought to stone Him to death for what they perceived to be blasphemy (John 8:24, 58-59)." (Knowing God By Name by Mary Kassain) This brings me to the title of this blog: How holy do we consider the name of Yahweh? "How does the fact that the Lord is "I AM" impact you?" How do I respond? Do I respond with awe and hide my face? Oh that I could grasp a small portion of Yahweh and respond to His holiness!

Making Time

As I was reading Matthew 14, I noticed something that I hadn't caught before in my reading of this chapter. It was very thought provoking when I began to really think about the application for my life. In verses 1-12 we see the story of John the Baptist being beheaded. Verse 13 says, "When Jesus heard what had happened, he withdrew by boat to a solitary place." As we often see, the people followed Him. Verse 14 says, "When Jesus landed and saw a large crowd, he had compassion on them and healed their sick." In verses 15-21 we see that Jesus feeds the 5,000. Verse 22-23 says, "Immediately Jesus made the disciples get into the boat and go on ahead of him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowd. After he had dismissed them, he went up on a mountainside by himself to pray." Jesus' goal after hearing of John the Baptist was to go be alone in a solitary place. But because the people followed Him he could not. So when He saw the large crowd He had compassion on them and healed their sick. Because it was getting late the disciples wanted Him to send the people away so they could get something to eat, but instead Jesus feeds them. Afterwards He sent his disciples on ahead of Him, dismissed the people, and finally went up on the mountainside to pray. He still made sure He got alone with His Father. So I began to look at my life and ask :what am I doing to make sure I get alone with God? When my children get up before I do and is not quiet and I go about my busy day homeschooling and taking care of the home, do I make sure I go to a solitary place and spend time with my Father? Jesus served the people but He also made time to be alone to pray! I believe He also so it as an important or urgent thing because v22 starts with the word "immediately". Do I see the urgency in spending time with the Father? Or do I recognize the the urgency but don't follow through and obey? Heavy thoughts from God's Word!!

spiked hair-

The little brothers are wanting to be like big brother (I didn't get a picture of Timothy, but he got his hair spiked also).

More on the Names of God

I am still working through the Bible Study Knowing God Through His Names by Mariel Davenport. Yes I am taking it at a snail's pace because the class is over with. It is such a good study, and I have to take time to let it sink in. Now I am working through Yahweh Shammah which means "Yahweh is There". God is a present God. Deuteronomy 31:6 says, "Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you." I have heard these words all my life that He will never leave you nor forsake you. But looking at it from a different way has really brought new meaning or understanding of this passage. If He says He will never leave you nor forsake you then He is a present God. He is omnipresent which means He is present everywhere. From the beginning of time God has always wanted relationship with his people. What does that mean or what does that look like? Growing up in church I learned all the little Bible stories and that was a good thing. But I think what was left out from teaching these Bible stories was that God was making Himself known to people because He wanted that relationship with His people. God showed the Israelites so many times that He loved them. He delivered them from the hand of the Egyptians, parted the Red Sea and they walked across. God didn't just part the Red Sea, He made the ground for them to walk on dry. WOW! Does that not speak volumes to us. Again He shows his desire for a relationship and love for us. Do I go throughout my day and miss those little details of God in my life? God is a present God! He is Yahweh Shammah! Further on God gives the Israelites rules-The Ten Commandments. His first priority in writing the Commandments was Godward. They focus on our relationship with Him. Details and purpose! He so desires relationship with us. He wanted a tabernacle built and wanted it built in a specific way so He gave specific details on the building of it. God gave detailed directions for every single object and piece of material in the tabernacle. Why is God so specific? Hebrews 8:5 says, "They serve at a sanctuary that is a copy and shadow of what is in Heaven." WOW! God told Moses to build the earthly sanctuary for His glory after a heavenly pattern only He could see. God showed his pleasure for this tabernacle by filling it with His glory. What was God's purpose and desire for the tabernacle? Exodus 25:8 tells us it was for Him to dwell among them. Again He is always after relationship. Ezekiel prophesied in 37:27: "My dwelling place will be with them; I will be their God, and they will be my people." John 1:14 says, "The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth." God tabernacled among His people through His Son, Jesus, and He revealed to us His glory, the glory of the One and Only. Guess what? He didn't stop there 1 Corinthians 3:16-17 tells us that our bodies are the temple of God and His Spirit lives in us. We as individual believers are tabernacles of His glory. How do we demonstrate that glory to a lost and dying world? Are we bearing much fruit showing ourselves to be His disciples (John 15:8)? Is Jesus tabernacling in our hearts? Is He dwelling place in our hearts? O Lord, please show me areas in my heart and life that need the fruit applied according to Galatians 5:22-23! Thank You for so desiring to dwell among me. Thank you that you are involved in every detail of my life. May I walk in that promise that You will never leave me nor forsake me that you are always present.

Who/What is Master of your life?

As I continue to look at the name of the Lord, Adonai,  I have learned that it means "lord" or "master". As I look at the word master I have to evaluate what that means. As far as Adonai, it is refers to our God as our personal Lord and Master. It completely depicts relationship. "The lordship of God means His total possession of me and my total submission to Him as Lord and Master." (Knowing God Through His Names", p 83) I am a slave to something or someone. 2 Peter 2:19 says "for a man is a slave to whatever has mastered him." We are a slave to whatever has mastered us! Am I a slave to sin or a slave to righteousness? What have I allowed to master me? Confession time again! As I pondered this verse, I began to see that the Lord is not the Master of my life most of the time. I think I allow the computer or tv/movies or laziness to master me. I believe this is the same concept of having idols of the heart. Whatever or whoever we put above God and my time with Him is an idol of my heart. God says in Exodus, "You shall have no other gods before me". Although I have not literally built a "golden calf" as the Israelites did, I have allowed an idol to occupy my time and my thoughts. I have replaced God with things. Are they satisfying? No, only temporarily. I am seeking things to fill a need that is not going to fill it. It could be my husbands approval, friends approval, my kids approval that I seek to fill a need. These things more than likely will not always happen and when I don't receive approval like I think I should I am disappointed and let down. I should seek my sufficiency in the all sufficient one, the El Shaddai. He is the one who nourishes, supplies, and satisfies. I should seek to make Him Master of my life. If I do that I will not need to seek after other things to fill a need that He ultimately fill.

Lord, please help me to daily make you Master of my life. To seek you first above all things. To remain in You. I so desire to have the intimacy with you that you would speak with me "face to face as a man speaks with his friend". May I take captive those thoughts and make them obedient to you.

Upward Basketball and Cheerleading

We have Upward again. These are just a few photos. Paul is assistant coach for Jonathan's team and he also is a referee for other games. Abigail cheers and does a good job! Noah, Timothy, and I watch which is a little challenging because Noah wants to get on the court and play with the ball. It is a lot of fun! Timothy is not in to it too much. He's in the picture with his face covered with his shirt. Didn't want to get his picture taken.

Being a Servant

My friend, Mariel, has written and published a Women's Bible Study titled "Knowing God Through His Names". (Sorry Mariel I'm a little behind, but it's God's timing.) This lesson is on Who Is Adonai? The first thing we learn is that if He is our Adonai then He must me Master of our life and we are servant to Him. This is actually a beautiful picture. In Day 2 we start off looking at what the world view is of "great" and "powerful" versus Biblical view. As we see in Matthew 20:26-28 what the Bible's view of greatness is totally opposite of the world. Matthew reads, "...Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave--just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many." This shows greatness as becoming a servant. V. 27 tells us to be first we have to be a servant. Then it ends up showing us that Jesus is an example for us. He didn't come to be served but instead to serve others and eventually giving his life for the payment of sin rescuing us from the wrath of God. So here is a question to ponder deeply-"are we looking for who we can serve, or are we looking to be served?" So confession time for me. This was a convicting question for me especially after the week I've had. The thought doesn't stop there. Mariel goes on to ask some questions for us to evaluate our hearts: "am I frustrated when I have to pick up my husband's socks for the tenth time today? Do I get short-tempered with my children when they interrupt my "me" time? Am I willing to joyfully cook a meal for a neighbor in need or serve in the church nursery, even though I don't "feel" like it? Do I live for "me"?" I wish I could say I was looking to be like Jesus and serve with a willing heart. Unfortunately, like my friend and probably many others, I often seek out to serve self rather than deny self. For me I find it easier to serve others more than my family. I think I'm more selfish when it comes to my family and serving them. This week really was an example of that. Here's how my week has been: during the previous weekend Noah, my 2 year old, began having a yucky, runny nose. On Monday after meeting with a friend, I was hanging out with Paul and Noah watching a little TV when all of a sudden I'm wearing vomit-nice soured milk and chocolate mixed with it. I thought maybe it was because he had too much cookie dough, but later in the evening he became sick again-thus the stomach bug has hit our family. I was up off and on all night. Then late Thursday night/early Friday morning Timothy gets sick. By this time now I'm really exhausted and just want to sleep. Now I'm keeping an eye on Noah hoping he is better and being close by for Timothy for the times he would get sick. So far I'm handling things ok. Not the total servants heart, but not totally into self yet. I'm still very tired though and really wanting to sleep. During all this time I'm not feeling so hot either; feeling very sick but not getting sick. Friday Timothy moped around and was out of it. You could really tell he was sick. Friday evening Abigail starts complaining about her stomach hurting. Oh no I thought. Of all the ones to get sick, I really don't want her to be sick because she whines a bit more. By now I've really had about all the whining I think I could handle from Noah. This week, also, Paul had the opportunity to help a gentleman out at his office, so he's been gone all day until bedtime and having to get up really early for the paper route. Now Abigail is sick and whining and I'm totally tired and wanting a vacation of peace and quiet. Now I'm looking at the thought of "when do I get a break". I now have no patience, and compassion went out the window when Abigail started complaining with her stomach hurting. So when I read this lesson today I was slapped in the face. I'm so into what I can get for me instead of serving my sick children and husband (who also is battling with some type of sickness). Definitely not a servants heart!!!

Then we see another beautiful example of servitude in Matthew 14:1-21. In verses 1-12 we see John the Baptist is beheaded. V. 13 & 14  says, "When Jesus heard what had happened, he withdrew by boat privately to a solitary place. Hearing of this, the crowds followed him on foot from the towns. When Jesus landed and saw a large crowd, he had compassion on them and healed their sick." Jesus was trying to get away and be alone with God to deal with His grief and here comes the crowd. This crowd was full of people with needs-sick people, disabled people, dying people, possessed people. "Imagine the noise, the smells, and the depth of depravity closing in around Him, as His soul mourns for John. Jesus was fully man and fully God. He felt emotion, grief, and pain. He grew tired, weary, and hungry." (pg 93, Knowing God...) Verse 14 tells us that first Jesus had compassion on them and secondly he healed their sick. "In the midst of the deep needs of His own soul, He chose to deny self and serve others with compassion."(93)  Verse 15 & 16 tells us it was evening. The disciples wanted to send the people away so they could get food. What do we see Jesus do? Serve again! He fed the crowd. "Our Savior chooses to serve again. What a model for us! What a Master we serve that He denies Himself for our sakes, out of compassionate love." (93)

So how can I mimic Jesus' example of servitude in my own life as I live out my service to my Master Jesus? There are so many things in my heart that I have to work on. I'm so very thankful that Jesus is my example and shows me my own heart at just the time I need it. I pray that my heart would be to serve my family (and others) above myself no matter how I'm feeling at the time. Jesus had compassion; therefore I must show compassion. I need to become a servant like Christ.

(Thanks Mariel for being real and letting Jesus use you in so many ways and in so many lives! I love you dear friend!)

The Son is the radiance of God's glory

Hebrews 1:3 "The Son is the radiance of God's glory and the exact representation of his being, sustaining all things by his powerful word."  I am working through a study on Hebrews, and I came across this verse from chapter 1. This particular section in the study book dealt with verse 3 and particularly the phrase "the Son is the radiance of God's glory". I want to share what I read:


"We see the sun by means of seeing the rays of the sun. They are the essence of the sun flowing out of the sun. The round ball of fire that we see in the sky is the sun streaming forth in its radiance. To say that Jesus is the radiance of God's glory is to say that Jesus relates to God the way the rays of sunlight relate to the sun. We see God the Father by seeing Jesus. Jesus is the radiance of God streaming down on us so we can see him and experience him and know him."

"The term 'God's glory' had deeper meaning for the original Hebrew recipients of this letter than it does for us today. These Hebrews remembered hearing about the glory cloud of God's presence that lit the sky and led the children of Israel in the desert. It was the tangible presence of God in their midst. And now the writer of Hebrews is saying that Jesus is the ultimate cloud of glory. In fact, Jesus is the fire of God's glory that will not burn or consume us. Jesus enables us to relate to the glory of God in human form."

"Standing in the Temple one day, Jesus said, 'I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life' (John 8:12). We live in a dark world, and perhaps there are circumstances in your life right now that would cause you to say that your world is very dark. Into the darkness of this world God sent his Son, Jesus, so that we could see and live in the radiance of his glory. Even now, Jesus is the only sure source of light for the dark places in our lives. He brings the radiant light of God's presence into our darkness."


My favorite part of this is the last paragraph. We do live in a dark world, and I have talked with friends lately who are in circumstances in their lives that would cause them to say the world is dark. But because God sent his Son we can see and live in the radiance of God's glory. I pray that my friends as well as myself will remember that Jesus is the only source of light for the dark places that in our lives. Jesus brings the radiant light of God's presence into our darkness. How encouraging and hopeful for us when we are walking in a dark time. We can walk through those dark times with joy and peace because of the radiance of God's glory.

My observations from Genesis 4

I have been reading in Genesis lately. I was reading chapter 4 which talks about Cain and Abel. The first part of the chapter deals with the offerings. We see that Abel kept flocks and Cain worked the soil. The Bible says that Cain brought some of the fruits of the soil as an offering, but Abel brought the fat portions from some of the firstborn of his flock. It is interesting to me that verse 3 starts out "in the course of time" (NIV). (Back to that point in a moment) Really it wasn't about the contrast between an offering of plant life and an offering of animal life. It was all about the heart issue. It is about a careless, thoughtless offering and a choice, generous offering. Hebrews 11:4 says "By faith Abel offered God a better sacrifice than Cain did...." It was the motivation and attitude of the heart. These are all-important and God looked with favor on Abel and his offering because of Abel's faith. What is our heart motivation and attitude when we offer up a sacrifice or when we serve? Do we do things by faith like Abel with a happy heart and willingness to serve and give of ourselves or do we do things out of routine or just because it needs to be done or it makes you "look good"? Do we do all things to glorify and honor God? What is the motivation for my serving and giving?

Now back to the point from verse 3. Do you think Cain started off giving with the right heart and over time grew weary and became bitter? I don't know. The commentary notes from MacArthur's Study Bible says for verses 4 & 5 "Abel's offering was acceptable, not just because it was an animal, nor just because it was the very best of what he had, nor even that it was the culmination of a zealous heart for God; but, because it was in every way obediently given according to what God must have revealed (though not recorded in Genesis). Cain, disdaining the divine instruction, just brought what he wanted to bring: some of his crop."  Verse 7 The Lord ask him (Cain): "If you do what is right, will you not be accepted?" Obedience was the key here. But was he always bent toward disobedience or did he gradually become this way? At any rate, when you stop and think about the statement "in the course of time" or as the New King James says "And in the process of time it came to pass", what would be the ending to that statement for your life and heart? "In the course of time she/he grew stronger in their walk with the Lord" or "In the course of time she/he grew further away from God?"  Is Jesus all that you and I need? Do we live that out?

God is faithful!

What a week! I left the house this evening to run an errand. I was totally exhausted but needed to get out. As I'm riding down the road I began to think about how things have gone this week in my house. I have switched some things up for my kids as far as school and chores. I have been blown away at the response I have gotten from them this week. I was truly expecting whining, fussing, complaining, just awful, awful attitudes. Instead I received eager hearts. Don't get me wrong I have had a few small problems with the change, but for the most part they have truly cooperated with me. They have done an awesome job with their added chores, and I have been so blessed by them this week. As I continued dwelling on my week I was quickly reminded of some verses that were given to me for the week on God's faithfulness. So I want to share one with you tonight to remind you that God is faithful!! Lamentations (the small book between Jeremiah and Ezekiel) 3: 21-24 "Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope. Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, "The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him." I was just overwhelmed with peace and joy after dwelling on God's faithfulness to me this week!

No One Higher-Stand.wmv

The song I have had on my heart for a couple of weeks now. I samuel 2:2 "There is no one holy like the Lord; there is no one besides you; there is no Rock like our God."

Before the throne of God above - Shane and Shane

Passages I'm dwelling on

SIN!!

(Noah mad because he didn't get what he wanted)

Is this the way I look to Christ when I don't put off the old self and put on Christ?

The verses I am deeply dwelling on lately is from Colossians 3:8-9, 12-13 and Proverbs 15:1. As I studied the book of Romans with my mentor the thing that seem to come out of that quite often is the concept of "putting off the old self and putting on Christ". Again now as we are working through a different study it continues to come up. (I guess I'm a little hard headed and have to be reminded often). The Colossians passage reads: Put off all these: anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy language out of your mouth. Do not lie to one another. ...Put on tender mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering; bearing with one another, and forgiving one another...even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do. I find that I struggle with anger and wrath quite often with my children, and maybe even filthy language out of my mouth in that the way that I talk to them sometimes is a little condescending. I try to teach them that in everything we do we are to glorify and honor Christ. So on one hand I'm trying to teach them the right way and yet on the other hand my example teaches them the opposite. It is so hard sometimes to not allow those ugly sins to creep up and out. But that is what God requires of me: put off the ugliness and put on beauty-Christ. I am working on walking in the verse "A soft/gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." Remembering that my response to them should be soft and gentle is where I find myself. Sometimes I'm quick to speak and it comes out harsh. God continues to teach me everyday as each child has their issues or bad day by reminding me of putting off anger and wrath and filthy language and be loving and kind toward them and be merciful toward them. Another thing I've actually learned this week and have begun to recognize is bitterness comes in when they are struggling and not obeying and not loving each other and their attitudes are disrespectful. Just this week I had to push away the bitterness that was trying to rear it's ugly head when my child was arguing with me and I'm trying to get everybody to my friend's house. I had a dr.'s appointment and new I needed to leave at a certain time. Because I was struggling with this child the time I left was much later than what I wanted to leave. On a normal day I would have been okay and made it right on time or within 15 minutes. We ran into a traffic jam on the way and therefore I was 20 minutes late and could not be seen that day and had to reschedule. As I was leaving the office and got in the van and headed home I just sat in silence and dwelt on the Bible study I had that morning on bitterness. On occasion I would have gotten upset and allowed bitterness to come into my heart towards those involved in causing us to be late and let it all out. That moment it would have been Paul probably getting to hear me rant and rave about what should have happened and we wouldn't have been late. Instead on this day God prepared my heart for what was ahead. My choice then was after getting into the van just sitting quietly (as he rants and raves) and meditating on what God was teaching me. Now since then it has had opportunities to come up again. As I have worked through this study with my mentor we are learning that we constantly need to look in the "mirror" and do some soul checking and making sure we are reflecting Christ. As I have now stopped and taken a look this week into my soul mirror I see that I have definitely not put off some of those ugly things. I do thank God for those moments I see where I have put on Christ, but there are so many other areas that still need working on. I will always be in the process of sanctification. I'm just a little impatient sometimes and want change to occur quickly. It doesn't always work that way. I pray that God will continue to help me overcome those areas I'm struggling with by continuing to place His Word daily in my heart to help me keep my soul in check.

hard lessons

I hate watching my children learn hard lessons. Today I watched Jonathan have to learn a hard lesson. It wasn't a life altering hard lesson, but for him it was major. He wasn't getting what he wanted. Here's the story: We all go to Chic-fil-A for lunch after Abigail's swim lessons. I get them all a kids meal. Usually what happens when we eat in and get a kids meal they all trade in the book/toy for ice cream. Today, I reminded them of that. Jonathan tells us that he doesn't want ice cream today, so he opens the item that came in the happy meal. When it came time for the others to get their ice cream Jonathan gets upset because he wants ice cream (he also wants the item that came in the kids meal). We told him we weren't paying for an ice cream that we explained to him earlier about it. He begans to cry and get upset. You can see the hurt and disappointment in his eyes. We had to talk with him about listening to mommy and daddy. I think sometimes God feels the same way with us when He sees we are about to learn a hard lesson. He explains to us the result of our decision, but it is just that-our decision. He knows what the results will be for us when we make either decision. I believe His heart breaks for us when we choose to make the foolish choice and end up learning a hard lesson. So often we want our cake and eat it too, but God says you can only have it one way. We choose to obey or disobey. If we choose to disobey, it is encouraging to know that we are only one prayer away from healing and righteousness. 1 John 1:9 "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness."

Here are some updated pictures of all of us. We went to the beach a few times. Everybody loves the beach. Timothy is not real keen on the water. It takes him a long time to have anything to do with the water. One day I took the kids to the Marbles Museum. It was a lot of fun. The last picture is of all of us at the Lincoln Memorial in Washington, DC. It was a lot of fun.

My journey

As of July 31 this year we have now been in Wake Forest for 9 years. In some ways it has been long and in other ways it has seemed short/gone by fast. In the time here thus far I have been through many ups and downs. God is and has been faithful and I have learned so much. Not too long ago I found myself in a deep dark spiritual pit. I felt so alone and lost. I believe at this point and even questioned whether I was truly saved and whether I was going to Heaven. I was so not sure where I stood with God. It is a place that is very hard to describe and a place I hope I never go again. But through it all God never left me. The truth of the matter is I slowly and gradually walked away from God. I was still His, but I wasn't walking with Him. So many things were going on during this time that I was struggling with. I had a couple of friends having marriage problems and I was trying to encourage them. I found that in one of them that the friendship gradually began to change. I truly struggled with that. Part of it was selfishness on my part, but part of it was the enemy at work in both of our lives. Watching my friends walk this path was hard for me. I shared with them what I knew, but I still felt like I was failing them in giving them the advice they needed to push them on to Godliness and good works. God saw all of that and used it for a lesson for me. It was probably the beginning of my walk towards the pit and downward.

The Seminary life is really tough also. It can be financially hard, and I found myself stressing sometimes over finances and trying to figure out what I could do to help bring some money in. We both knew it was God's will for me to be at home. You see I was not totally depending on God. I was trying to do so many things on my own. Again walking further and further into the pit. The sad part is I didn't even realize what I was doing. During this time I also found that I was struggling with Abigail. She is very strong-willed and knows all the right buttons to push and pushes them all. This was another tool of the enemy that caused me to go further and further into the pit. I found myself sometimes making comparisons with other parents thinking their kids are good and obedient and they have it all together. This time period I really began to feel alone. God did send a special friend into the neighborhood and into my life that helped me begin to see that I wasn't alone. This is a special friendship that is so hard to find. Such an awesome spiritual friendship. (Thank you Amy for being such a wonderful friend especially during this hard time. I love you dearly and miss our times together). But as normal here, people come and go, but we remain. My friend moves to Georgia. This was hard for me again. Just when I find a friend that clicks with me on a spiritual level God moves her on. God was of course trying to show me that He is all that I need. Sure this friendship will always be special. I needed to see that God does give us special friends, but He will always be enough for us. Unfortunately, I am a little hard headed and I didn't get that yet. God would not give up on me. He never left me. God sent other dear friends in my life during this time also that encouraged me and listened. Thank you Marcy, Cari, Gina, and Jamie. What a wonderful bond of friendship we have even though we all are miles away. I love you all!

Next, we learned of a church plant downtown Raleigh and believed it would be a good place to learn: seeing as how we felt that when we finished school and moved on we would be ministering in the inner city. I knew a couple of the Pastors from one of the previous churches we attended and loved them. So we visited and fell in love with the church. Things were going a little better, but I still found myself struggling spiritually. I learned a lot here at this church, but because I was walking in the pit I found myself unhappy again. We were struggling with at this time Jonathan and Abigail wanting to go to church. Every Sunday was a battle or argument or struggle to get to church. Another tool the enemy was using. They enjoyed Sunday School, but for whatever reason they would say (actually mostly Jonathan) "I don't want to go to church". He did enjoy the fellowships the church would have after the service from time to time. The Pastor would ask some of us to walk around a few of the blocks around the church and invite people off the street to come in and eat with us a free meal. Jonathan loved that even though he didn't ask. We all went out together as a family and invited people to come. What a testimony to him and a lesson for him. I loved that. Unfortunately, I began to see that Paul and I were struggling each Sunday as well. For myself I felt I wasn't getting anything out of the service because of the children distracting us constantly. A tool the enemy used. I feel like during this time as well things were getting worse for me and Abigail. I was really having a hard time with her with discipline issues and communication issues. We were clashing bad!!! This is another point I felt I was still falling deeper into the pit. Again, God never left me, but I was pushing Him further and further away trying to figure things out on my own. Gas prices were going way up during this time also and we were having a hard time financially being able to fill up the van. I also felt that a wedge was being built between Paul and myself; another tool of the enemy. We both agreed we needed to find a church that had a great children's program and was much closer to the house.

We ended up at Richland Creek Community Church again. The kids seemed to enjoy Children's Church and that is what we were hoping for. God was putting us in a place we needed to be ready to receive. Shortly after going to the church I attended a Mother/Daughter tea with Abigail and heard an awesome message by a lady in the church, Tammy Schofield. God began to do a work in my heart a little at a time. The next event was a Women's Conference at the church. (Usually they do this out of town, but this particular time they decided to have it locally-again God is working). They offered a variety of classes for the women to choose from. One particular class I chose was "The Strong Willed Child". This was God ordained (my mentor would tell you the same thing as well)!!! Needless to say I cried just about the whole time I was there. God was continuing to work in my heart and pulling me in and showing me that I needed Him and He was enough! I still was struggling, but I began to see or feel a little hope. Shortly after this conference there was a meeting on Mentorship for the Women's Ministry. I attended this meeting (God ordained because I don't go to things like this not knowing anybody). The Women's Ministry is trying to start up a Mentoring Ministry following Titus 2. Guess who else attended this meeting? The lady who taught "The Strong Willed Child" class at the Women's Conference. Do you see God working? It is so good!! So during our time of getting to know one another I asked her if she would be willing to mentor someone who has a strong willed child. She agreed (She has an awesome story to tell about this also). I didn't know her very well, and she didn't know me. She only knew what she saw that day in class during the conference: a broken hearted girl who was struggling. Still to this day as I tell this story I feel the tears welling up. It is so hard to describe all the emotions I was feeling and going through during this difficult time. But God continued to give me a glimpse of hope. We began meeting in December I believe and it, along with God's help, has changed my life. It has nothing to do with her; it has to do with obedience to God from both of us-she and I. I feel I have grown so much in the last 9 months. I still have a strong willed child. God did not change her, and I wasn't asking Him to do that. I knew I was the one that needed to change. God has continued to be faithful to me and I am ever so thankful. Through meeting with my dear Mentor, Anna, I have learned how to deal with my strong willed child. Have I arrived? No. Sin will always rear its ugly head, but I have changed and am still working on being better at parenting her. I no longer feel I'm surrounded by darkness and loneliness. It is such an awesome feeling. Thank you Anna for being obedient as well. I'm honored to have you in my life and have learned so much from you. Thanks for being real with me. I love you dearly. God has placed another special friend, besides my wonderful mentor, who encourages me as well. God knew we both needed a special friendship so He allowed our paths to cross. Thank you Deborah for being obedient to God and being an example of what a relationship with Christ looks like. I love you friend!

This is where my journey has taken me thus far. I can't wait to see what God has in store for me and for my family. Still more to come.

It's about time for a new update you think?

I have tried many times to update this blog, but I could never remember the password (Paul was the one who created the blog page). So he and I are at the table at the same time for lunch so I got the pass word.

Anyway, what a year and more it has been. We have had child #4, and he is a mess; such a sweet boy (until his siblings make him mad). We haved moved over to Flaherty Farms (still part of seminary housing). We changed churches to a church in Wake Forest (gas prices were way too high). And we've learned a lot through all that we've experienced since the last blog. I will update my lessons in a later blog. We are now homeschooling 2 of the 4. Most days they struggle with doing "school", but I just remind them of the benefits they have for being homeschooled. We started our school year this week, and it has gone pretty good.

To those who keep up with our blog, I am going to strive to keep it up on a regular basis.

More to come and more pictures to come.